The two-toed sloth is a member of the superorder Xenarthra, which is a group of South American mammals that showed up roughly 60 millions years ago. It represents the absolute pinnacle of its species' evolution. This is the design that beat out all its competitors by achieving the best reproductive fitness. Maybe I'm not making myself clear. Dude fucks, is what I'm saying here. This thing which Equadorian tribes named with various forms of the words "eat, sleep, dirty" in their native language has been successfully getting laid for 60 million years. I reference this every time someone on the Internet calls me a virgin. This is not speculation, okay. Evolution is a science. My "sloth method" for picking up girls—in which I eat, sleep, and stay dirty by not showering for let's say 72 hours a stretch, while playing Hearthstone on my Android or maybe something like Civ 6 on my desktop—has proven to work in certain circumstances. This is not speculation. This is scientific fact. I am quite possibly the grandfather of an entirely divergent species of human: one that, like the two-toed sloth, eschews the modern idea of "pursuit" in favor of sitting pretty much motionless and vegging out until some day somehow you end up near enough to some probably universally-despised female to make a kind of sweaty and unenthusiastic attempt at passing on your genetic material, and still likely fail, but shit at least you'll be able to say it happened, right, and that you've unburdened yourself with the pressure.
When I was first told about how I could sell my lifespan, what immediately came to mind was a morality lesson from elementary school.
We were ten-year-olds who still didn’t know how to think for ourselves, so the teacher for our grade, a woman in her late twenties, asked us something like this:
“You’ve all been told that a human life is something that can’t be replaced, and it’s more valuable than anything. Now, if it were given a monetary value, how much money do you think it would be worth?”
She then took a thoughtful pose. I thought her way of asking the question was inadequate, personally. She was silent for a good twenty seconds, still holding a piece of chalk and staring down the blackboard with her back to the students.
While she did that, the students earnestly mulled over the question. A lot of them liked the young, pretty teacher, so they wanted to say something pleasing that would get them a compliment.
One smart-aleck raised her hand.
“I read in a book once that the total life expenses for a salaryman are about 200 million to 300 million yen. So I think the average person would be somewhere around there.”
Half the students in class oohed and aahed. The other half looked bored and fed up. Most of the students hated that smart-aleck.
The teacher managed a smile and a nod. “That’s certainly true. Maybe grown-ups would give you the same answer. One answer could be that the money spent throughout a lifetime is equal to the value of that life. But I want you to get away from that line of thinking. …I know, let’s do an allegory. The usual hard-to-understand allegory.”
No one understood what the… figure the teacher drew on the board in blue chalk was supposed to be. You could look at it as a human, or as a splotch of gum on the road.
But this was exactly her intent.
I once walked in on my sister taking a shit which in itself is fine but I was incensed she had not alerted me so I could witness her performance, especially since she was obviously struggling and I could have serenaded her with my classical guitar to help her relax. In a blind rage I wrenched the shower rod from the wall and was about to strike her when I caught my reflection in the mirror and broke down laughing at how silly I looked. Composing myself I lept into the shower where she was now cowering and blew raspberries into her stomach while tickling her anus which soon loosened her up. I ended up buying her an oversized kazoo so that I never missed another movement.
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.” This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.
i don't wanna go early rosh tho
i just want to jungle brew
for no particular reason
and i've never properly jungled in my entire life so i'm trying to figure out what to buy so i can jungle well + not be a burden
so far i think talon+lv1 w then stout+tp+tange and kms should work best
“A guy walks up to a woman at a bar…he flirts with her, he makes small talk but the woman insists she isn’t going home with him. Guy says, ‘What if I offer you a million dollars to sleep with me?’ The woman’s never had a million dollars in her life. She stops and considers the offer very seriously. The guy changes his mind, says, ‘What if I changed my offer to a dollar instead?’ The woman is aghast: ‘What kind of woman do you think I am?’ Guy says, ‘We’ve already figured that out. Now, we’re just negotiating.'”
I think I'm about to get cancer after I played on that dogshit mmr acc everyones so fucking bad it's hard to handle it LMAO I go ham, but my team is trying to feed them even harder every game hoooly fuck, dumbest decisions I've ever seen in my life xD noones even using spells. TRIGGERED!
Find for your gif u cuck
The two-toed sloth is a member of the superorder Xenarthra, which is a group of South American mammals that showed up roughly 60 millions years ago. It represents the absolute pinnacle of its species' evolution. This is the design that beat out all its competitors by achieving the best reproductive fitness. Maybe I'm not making myself clear. Dude fucks, is what I'm saying here. This thing which Equadorian tribes named with various forms of the words "eat, sleep, dirty" in their native language has been successfully getting laid for 60 million years. I reference this every time someone on the Internet calls me a virgin. This is not speculation, okay. Evolution is a science. My "sloth method" for picking up girls—in which I eat, sleep, and stay dirty by not showering for let's say 72 hours a stretch, while playing Hearthstone on my Android or maybe something like Civ 6 on my desktop—has proven to work in certain circumstances. This is not speculation. This is scientific fact. I am quite possibly the grandfather of an entirely divergent species of human: one that, like the two-toed sloth, eschews the modern idea of "pursuit" in favor of sitting pretty much motionless and vegging out until some day somehow you end up near enough to some probably universally-despised female to make a kind of sweaty and unenthusiastic attempt at passing on your genetic material, and still likely fail, but shit at least you'll be able to say it happened, right, and that you've unburdened yourself with the pressure.
When I was first told about how I could sell my lifespan, what immediately came to mind was a morality lesson from elementary school.
We were ten-year-olds who still didn’t know how to think for ourselves, so the teacher for our grade, a woman in her late twenties, asked us something like this:
“You’ve all been told that a human life is something that can’t be replaced, and it’s more valuable than anything. Now, if it were given a monetary value, how much money do you think it would be worth?”
She then took a thoughtful pose. I thought her way of asking the question was inadequate, personally. She was silent for a good twenty seconds, still holding a piece of chalk and staring down the blackboard with her back to the students.
While she did that, the students earnestly mulled over the question. A lot of them liked the young, pretty teacher, so they wanted to say something pleasing that would get them a compliment.
One smart-aleck raised her hand.
“I read in a book once that the total life expenses for a salaryman are about 200 million to 300 million yen. So I think the average person would be somewhere around there.”
Half the students in class oohed and aahed. The other half looked bored and fed up. Most of the students hated that smart-aleck.
The teacher managed a smile and a nod. “That’s certainly true. Maybe grown-ups would give you the same answer. One answer could be that the money spent throughout a lifetime is equal to the value of that life. But I want you to get away from that line of thinking. …I know, let’s do an allegory. The usual hard-to-understand allegory.”
No one understood what the… figure the teacher drew on the board in blue chalk was supposed to be. You could look at it as a human, or as a splotch of gum on the road.
But this was exactly her intent.
i dont get this pasta
Cause it isn't a pasta bruh
Xdxdxd ekcs dee
I once walked in on my sister taking a shit which in itself is fine but I was incensed she had not alerted me so I could witness her performance, especially since she was obviously struggling and I could have serenaded her with my classical guitar to help her relax. In a blind rage I wrenched the shower rod from the wall and was about to strike her when I caught my reflection in the mirror and broke down laughing at how silly I looked. Composing myself I lept into the shower where she was now cowering and blew raspberries into her stomach while tickling her anus which soon loosened her up. I ended up buying her an oversized kazoo so that I never missed another movement.
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.” This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.
oh god, some of my friends liked the new 50 shades of grey trailer, so i watched it
wtf is this PORN?
is it worth to deny myself early if i go talon with no regen on a shitty jungler?
yes, if by denying u mean killing urself
just spend ur money beforehand, thats also how u can do ~2-3 min rosh, buy morbid + smoke and kys
i don't wanna go early rosh tho
i just want to jungle brew
for no particular reason
and i've never properly jungled in my entire life so i'm trying to figure out what to buy so i can jungle well + not be a burden
so far i think talon+lv1 w then stout+tp+tange and kms should work best
ok i can reach level 6 talon stout blight boots smoke by min 7 is it good enough?
NEXIT NAO!
http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=812782781
mmm great shit
“A guy walks up to a woman at a bar…he flirts with her, he makes small talk but the woman insists she isn’t going home with him. Guy says, ‘What if I offer you a million dollars to sleep with me?’ The woman’s never had a million dollars in her life. She stops and considers the offer very seriously. The guy changes his mind, says, ‘What if I changed my offer to a dollar instead?’ The woman is aghast: ‘What kind of woman do you think I am?’ Guy says, ‘We’ve already figured that out. Now, we’re just negotiating.'”
PS im no weaboo owo
i am
https://www.dotabuff.com/matches/2831287006
why in my team?
i think i got like a 12 winstreak as fp invoker right now, but all the time somebody goes REE REE FP INVOKER XD RUSSIAN RETARD and feeds
and then i get lp
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ? ? ?
?
just instadodge retards with nicknames like that
it gives u a perfect clue someone's inadequate before the game even starts and u don't use it
no tendies no mid
true, time to stop afking during loading screen
I think I'm about to get cancer after I played on that dogshit mmr acc everyones so fucking bad it's hard to handle it LMAO I go ham, but my team is trying to feed them even harder every game hoooly fuck, dumbest decisions I've ever seen in my life xD noones even using spells. TRIGGERED!
sounds like the team is holding you back m8.
https://www.twitch.tv/arin_the_scrub
o shit waddup
🔞Приветствую вас в своем взрослом массовиково-затейническом профиле🔞 Люблю Майкла, попугаев, тако и буррито.🚫Ничего не употребляю🚫
ye at this point it's gg xD
Praise KEK
Praise KEK
hey guys how can i learn a language in 1 month? i registered for this shit, it costed me 60€
http://www.delfdalf.fr/_media/exemple-1-sujet-complet-delf-b1-tous-publics.pdf
im fucking DONE
but kek is a normie meme
suddenly there's like a french UN document >Good Game
Je peux jouir sur ton visage?
je ne sais pas ce que tu veux me dire
sprecht ihr nicht französisch in der schweiz oder so LUL
deutsches französisch
fucck french man, only thing you need to know is je ne sais pas
Shittyminati is the goodest french speaker I know, besides me ofc
French in 2K16 GIGALUL
french? learn important, cultured, mastery class languages like filipino and russian cyka blyat gago
https://u.pomf.is/elwfbe.webm
ПРЕВЕД МЕДВЕД
АХАХА ПАЦТАЛОМ
АФФТАР ПЕШИ ИСЧО
+1
LULLULUL